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OK, in a roundabout way I have this working now.
Thanks Felix for the menu open/close "callbacks"
I've used these to callback to my custom app to turn on the TV if its not on when the menu opens. Then it can also keep track of the RB menu state, and if an event is triggered (either through RB, or another control trigger, my app can close the menu by simulating the hot key press to close it.
Its an extremely atypical type of setup. RB is great for its simplicity of use, but definitely is more developer oriented when it comes to customizing (which works for me).
I basically want menu items that trigger applescript calls to a custom htpc daemon.
To do this in remote buddy I have to:
Create the action
add the action to the behavior
compile and install the behavior
quit and relaunch RB (so it sees the new stuff)
add the menu item - connect the action to it
A little tedious but it works, thanks to the actionpack export I can do most of it on my development laptop, then move it to the HTPC mini.
-Preston